There are a whole lotta Transformers in the TF universe. To give them more personality and character, the creators of the show gave many of them interesting speech patterns. Some of them are very charming, while others are just plain annoying.

But you gotta figure that for a race with unlimited technological advances at their disposal, such as transformation, mass-shift, intergalactic travel, and space folding just to name a few, fixing speech patterns for the vocally unorthodox should be a simple matter. My guess is Transformers don’t value speech all that highly, or maybe some of them are simply too proud of their individuality.

Below I present my top 10 Transformers that could use a lesson in speech etiquette. I would love to hear any of these guys make a wedding toast.

10. Wheelie Wheelie talks in a funny way. Wheelie will annoy you every day. Wheelie likes humping Megan Fox’s leg. Wheelie rhymes ’cause Wheelie’s gay.

9. Wreck-Gar Wreck-Gar and the Junkions learned how to talk by watching Earth’s TV. I guess it’s true that TV does turn brain to mush. Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong?

8. Blurr Blur talks so fast and so much to hear what he is saying is abolutely positively definitely impossible and you try and try and try but he keeps talking and he talks non-stop and you try some more and you don’t give up until you get him but it’s just impossible impossible impossible.

7. Waspinator Poor Waspinator. The only TF to come from Beast Wars on this list, Waspinator talks in a high-pitch voice, always refers to himself in the third person, and has silly aliases for everyone. He has a tendency to get himself blown up every episode, only to come back in the next episode (if not in the same episode) to get his big stripey butt kicked some more.

6. Seaspray Someone fix Seaspray’s vocal generators stat. This guy sounds like he is constantly under water and his speech is filled with bubble or gurgling sounds. Sometimes I wonder how other Autobots understand him. However a mermaid did fall in love with him so I guess chicks dig it.

5. Warpath Warpath is one over-caffeinated Autobot. He ends every sentence with a “wham”, “bam”, “zoom”, or “yeehaw”. Dude, chill.

4. Insecticons The Insecticons must be around if you hear speech echoes. It sounds pretty cool at first, but after while they just start to bug (pun intended).

3. Omega Supreme Words few. Talk unnecessary. Resolve unyielding. Firepower overwhelming. Personality boring.

2. Soundwave The king of monotone speaking usually has little to say, but when he does, Deceptioncs usually listen. I like the way Soundwave talks, I can’t explain why. But it is ironic that the Decepticon communications officer, with an audio device as his alt mode no less, cannot speak in less robotic ways.

1. Grimlock Me Grimlock no bozo. Me grimlock love Kup’s war stories. Me Grimlock no like you. Me Grimlock love saying me Grimlock. Me Grimlock number one on this stupid list. Me Grimlock King.

Me Grimlock say… Transform and Roll Out!

Teletraan I Communiques