I love G1 Tranformers. Those that know me as a TransFan know that, even to this day, I consider G1 Transformers to be the greatest TFs of all time. I buy most of the G1 re-issues that come out, both US and Japan. I buy DVD releases of the G1 cartoons. I read comics that tie into the G1 continuity. The Classic/Universe line may be my favorite line of TF toys currently, but even this line is G1 inspired (most of the time). There is just something charming and endearing about the G1 line that no other TF line since has managed to capture. (And yes, that includes the Michael Bay TFs, which IMO are some of the worst ever.)

So with that said, I will also say that there were many, many lame ideas to come out of G1. Some of these ideas are up there with the best (or worst) of all lame ideas in the history of mankind, such as New Coke or the Geico Cavemen TV show. Some of these ideas are G1 specific, and it’s good to see them die with G1. But many of these ideas are carried over into the later lines, and have had a long and lasting legacy of lameness. It’s nice to see G1 have such a deep and profound influence on all TFs onward, but some of these ideas are just so lame, they need to stop.

Below I present my top 10 lame ideas that either started or were made famous in G1.

10. Reflectors
These three gets the proud distinction of having the most inefficient transformation of all time. Think about it. Three powerful Deception Warriors, each having no alt modes of their own, that need to come together and form… a camera?! Is Decepticon technology so limited that a robot cannot transform into a camera by itself?! While we’re on the topic, I think having camera capabilities built into the optic sensors of all TFs should be standard gear for a race that has achieved transformation, mass-shifting, and space travel. And we see from the opening moments of the 1986 Movie that even Lazerbeak has camcorder equipment built into his head. This makes the alt mode of the Reflectors even more useless, and the fact it takes three of them to do it makes it lame. And it looks like they can’t even take pics and send them digitally, they have to print them out like Polaroids for its reader (I can understand if this is done for humans, but for Thundercracker?!). If the camera is more disguise than function, it still makes little sense as to why 3 Decepticons are required. Yeah I know this is how the toy was, but the toy was lame even for 80s standards. Supposedly, Megatron selected some of his best for the mission of tracking the Autobots aboard the Nemesis. I can’t believe he picked these three. Or maybe they had better Cybertron alt modes but Teletran made them stupid. Whatever the case, I’m glad the Reflectors (or any other group with similar inefficiencies) did not make it past G1.

9. Sky Lynx
There’s just something unappealing about Sky Lynx. It’s hard to put your finger on it and give concrete reasons. Maybe it’s the fact that he doesn’t have a robot mode. Maybe it’s his snobby British accent. Maybe it’s because he was introduced in Season 3 and that was such a crappy season. Maybe because the toy offered a transformation that was so unbelievably obvious for a figure of that size. Or maybe I just don’t like the gimmick of him splitting into two components. Whatever the reason, I dare say Sky Lynx is one of the lamest Transformers ever designed. When I was a kid I knew no one that had him (most probably because he was an expensive piece). Sky Lynx was not re-issued at all after G1 until the recent Encore line, and I’m still scratching my head as to why he was chosen to be re-issued over much cooler TFs, such as Dinobots or Constructicons. I think MSRP for the Encore was close to $100, and now most online sites have him at around $40. That alone should be testament to his unpopularity. Heck, I would even buy Encore versions of Reflectors if they made them, but not Sky Lynx.

8. Use of English Expressions in Cybertronian Context
Expressions in one language usually does not translate well into another, usually for cultural reasons. If I wanted to tell a Chinese person that “the devil’s in the details”, I would not literally use those words. This is why it really pains me when I see Transformers use English expressions, and give it a Cybertronian spin. Expressions across different parts of the Earth don’t even translate well, so why would expressions across worlds be any better? Some choice examples: “Five up, five down! It’s like shooting cyber-ducks in a barrel!”, “When are we gonna start bustin deceptachops?”, or “Aint no one calling me a robot chicken!” This is seriously lame. TF writers need to come up with some new material.

7. Parts Appearing Out of Nowhere
I’m sure all G1 fans have noticed this. A TF would transform from one mode to another, and all the parts that you need to attach to the other mode in the toy, they just magically appear out of nowhere. The reverse is true too; some parts simply disappear into thin air. I had the toys of several G1 cars, like Smokescreen, Jazz, and Trailbreaker. None of them can carry their guns and missiles in their alt modes. So where do they come from when they transform into robot mode? Do they just pull it out of their ass? Megatron doesn’t walk around with his attachments, so when he transforms into the gun, where do the silencer and the shoulder mount come from? Omega Supreme would often fly off somewhere and we only see the rocket. When the rocket lands at the destination and the smoke clears, the rest of Omega Supreme magically appears. WTF?! Perhaps the most famous example of this is none other than Optimus Prime. Everytime he transforms into the truck, no matter where he is, the trailer magically comes from behind and attaches itself to his ass. What gives? G1 made no effort to explain any of this. It’s nice to see the modern toys make room for all the accessories in all the modes so we don’t have to wonder if they are hiding stuff in their body cavities.

6. Facial Hair
Tom Selleck. Burt Reynolds. Billy Dee Williams. These are guys that look good with facial hair. Alpha Trion. Scourge. Wreck-Gar. These are guys that DO NOT look good with facial hair. In fact, Transformers should not even have facial hair. I like to remind all character designers working on Transformers… THEY ARE ROBOTS!!! Robots don’t have hair! Period! Maybe beards and mustache looking attachments are given to these characters to convey a look of authority, but it doesn’t work for me. Find some other way to convey the same look. I know I’ve seen facial hair on both Beast Wars and TFA characters. Heck, even Jetfire in ROTF had a beard. This is a trend that needs to stop. Like, now. A young TF needs to transform into a electric razor and shave them all. Whoever does that deserves to inherit the Matrix and become Autobot leader.

5. Killing Optimus Prime
Sometimes you sit on a gold mine and not know it. This was exactly the case when Hasbro approved the idea of killing everyone’s favorite Autobot leader. Word has it that in 1986, kids were walking out of movie theaters crying, and angry parents wrote nasty letters to Hasbro demanding explanations as to why death of a central character was a major theme in a kid’s movie. Personally, I loved the movie because it was mature beyond its years. But from a financial perspective, Prime’s death was a really bad move for Hasbro. Not only does the franchise lose its most recognizable character, Hasbro can no longer sell figures of the iconic Optimus Prime. I think Hasbro has learned its lesson since then. Later in G1, Optimus was revived. Every TF line after G1 featured some form of Optimus Prime. Even in ROTF, Prime was killed about midway thru, only to be revived by film’s end. And of course Hasbro has made a figure for every single one of these Primes, and suckered us fans into wasting our hard earned dollars to acquire them. Damn you, Hasbro.

4. Female Transformers
No offense to all the female readers out there (all 3 of you), but female Transformers… what exactly does that mean? Before the introduction of females, many fans assumed that Transformers were gender neutral. But the writers went ahead and created some female Autobots, perhaps as a way to win more female TF fans. No one really knows if that really worked, but it sure sparked a debate as to why Transformers would even have genders. I know at one point, the US Marvel G1 comics had maintained the position that female Autobots were not really female, the were just Autobots that resembled human females. They also had a reason for Arcee, supposedly “she” was created by the Autobots to be some kind of public relations between the Autobots and Earth’s female population. Whatever the official story was, none of it really made sense. I’m guessing many TF fans don’t really think about this, and just simply accept it as if TFs are like people. This is perhaps what the writers counted on, as I’m pretty sure female TFs have appeared in every TF line after G1. Personally, I feel that female TFs should not have been introduced. They never played a major role in G1 anyway (arguable for Beast Wars). Some ideas are best left unexplored, and this is one of them.

3. Repaints
Repaints. Redecos. Recolors. Whatever you call them, this is an idea that reached new heights (or lows) with G1. This is actually a smart idea on the part of Takara/Hasbro, but it’s lame that they make one mold and then milk us fans over and over with different colors of the same thing. I guess there are other toys lines that do this too. Heck, even anime figures has resorted to this. But I don’t think any other toy line is more guilty of this than Transformers. G1 took this concept to new levels of craziness. Perhaps the most infamous example of this is the Seekers, 6 jets that were essentially the same as each other. Even as a kid I was not fooled, and made a point of buying toys that were different molds before I even considered repaints. But even today, repaints are alive and well. One of these days I should compile a TF repaint database and get some statistics as to how many TF molds have a repaint and how often. I doubt repaints would stop any time soon, though. I don’t mind repaints done in moderation, but it’s excessive when it seems like every mold is repainted. We as fans have to be strong and not buy recolored crap.

2. Actionmasters
I love to meet the geniuses that came up with this idea. Actionmasters appeared in the twilight days of G1, when sales were dwindling. One Hasbro exec probably said, “Transformers sales suck. We gotta do something different. But what?” Another one probably answered, “I know, let’s make Transformers that don’t transform!” The first one responds, “Yeah! Let’s do it!” Then they high five each other. Then G1 Transformers dies for good. There is a story to the “Actionmasters” that don’t transform. Prime and company finds a source of energy called Nucleon that is 10 times better than Energon and makes them much more powerful. But one side effect is they lose their transformation. As for the toys, I’m guessing the figures sucked. I don’t know a single person that has bought these. I read somewhere that Hasbro pursued this idea only because the toys can be easily molded based off of G.I.Joe figures at the time. Non-Transformers are so lame, I was so tempted to put them in the top spot, if not for…

1. Pretenders
Pretenders also came out during the final seasons of G1, after they stopped doing the US G1 cartoons. I think the idea of a Transformer hiding inside a shell is on the same level of lameness as Actionmasters, but Pretenders get the nod for the top spot simply because Hasbro really thought this was a good idea. Many Pretender figures were made, and variations of the Pretender theme were introduced. The basic Pretender is a TF in bot mode hiding inside a humanoid Pretender shell, but then they also made Pretender Vehicles (alt mode inside a vehicle shell), Pretender Beasts (alt mode inside a creature shell), and Mega Pretenders (shells that transform). Some classic characters even got incorporated into the Pretender line, like Jazz, Bumblebee, and Grimlock. I no longer remember the backstory for the Pretenders in the G1 comics. In Stormbringer, Simon Furman came up with a pretty good explanation. Cybertron is completely polluted with radioactive material on the surface from years of the war, so in order to survive, some Decepticons started wearing these shells to protect themselves from the radiation. However we still don’t see any Autobots wearing the human shells, so even Furman can’t explain that one. I was so afraid that Michael Bay would find out about the Pretenders, because I knew he would be all over this. Sure enough, my worst fears were realized in ROTF when Alice was revealed to be a Pretender. But I guess the good news in all this is that Pretenders pretty much died with G1. Rest in pieces.

Until the next lame idea… Transform and Roll Out!