It is that time again my friends! Welcome to the 3rd edition of Before Carly on this blog! As usual, I’ll start with the official description that was on Seibertron.com:

“Spike is quite the ladies man. He eventually married Carly, but she was not the only one to have fun in the backseat of Bumblebee.”

When does Spike find time to have fun with all these babes? Your guess is as good as mine.

The name of each girl is made to sound like various characters in the TF universe, and each part of every name is based on real names I’ve seen. See how many TFs you can identify. Highlight over the name of each girl (written in red) to reveal the answer.

Enjoy the pics!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In case you missed it, here are the previous Before Carly posts:
Before Carly
Before Carly 2

Transform and Roll Out!

 

Megatron is the only being on Cybertron who had the will and charisma to organize the destructive mechanoids into a deadly and powerful fighting force that would become the Decepticons. One does not become such a respected and feared leader without a few cool lines.

The great Decepticon ruler has a bunch of famous quotes that you can use in your everyday work life. I have compiled 10 such lines and they appear below in no particular order. Beware! Megatron’s words are aggressive to say the least. Choose to use them at your own risk.

 

“Peace through tyranny.”
Source: Megatron’s motto on his Tech Spec bio since G1
Context: N/A
When to use: If you are seen as rigid or controlling around the office, validate your behavior with this line. Let people know that your bossy ways can lead to harmony if they simply stopped questioning your orders and do what they’re told.
 

“The fun has begun, but it’s no joke.”
Source: Transformers (1984), Blaster Blues
Context: A captured Blaster thinks Megatron is joking about taking control of all of Earth’s airwaves. Megatron shows him how serious he is.
When to use: You are making everyone work overtime and the staff thinks you can’t possibly be serious. Use this quote to show them you are all business.
 

“I smell you, boy.”
Source: Transformers (2007)
Context: Sam’s got the All Spark and he’s hiding. Megatron lets him know that such attempts are futile.
When to use: A male coworker is stinking up the workplace. It can be anything: BO, bad breath, too much cologne, foul-smelling lunches, whatever. Don’t be afraid to let him know with this line.
 

“Personally I don’t care what you need.”
Source: Transformers (1984), The Golden Lagoon
Context: Megatron dismisses Starscream’s need for more proof of the electrum recently discovered by Thurst.
When to use: A co-worker is constantly bugging you with questions, emails, phone calls, or whatever else that might harsh your mellow. If they can’t take a hint by you ignoring them, then it’s time to throw this line in their face.
 

“I’ll crush you with my bare hands!”
Source: Transformers the Movie (1986)
Context: Megatron makes his intentions perfectly clear before his one-on-one duel with Optimus Prime.
When to use: Your office computer froze up yet again for some mysterious reason. There’s another paper jam in the office printer or copier. The coffee machine is not brewing. If you experience these or any other equipment failure in your work day, vent your frustration with this line as you pound these worthless devices into oblivion.
 

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssss.”
Source: Pick any random episode during Beast Wars and there’s a good chance Megatron says this in the episode.
Context: Megatron showing agreement, or confirming what he’s already decided.
When to use: This one has lots of uses. You can simply use it to say yes. Or you can use it to show excitement. Or you can follow up any order you give with this to let them know you really want it done. However it’s all about the delivery. You need to say it just like Beast Wars Megatron for it to be effective.
 

“I’ve got morons on my team!”
Source: Transformers (1984), Auto Berserk
Context: Megatron was driving the Negavator and about to blast some Autobots, when a bumbling Ramjet crashes into the cockpit of the weapon, ejecting Megatron in the process. An enraged Megatron then proceeds to chew out his warriors.
When to use: Your boss wants to know why a team project has stalled, been delayed, or failed entirely. Blame your idiotic team members before they can blame you by using this line.
 

“Do as I command!”
Source: Family Guy, Oceans Three and a Half
Context: Megatron appears in a gag where he orders Peter to put back some money that they were about to steal.
When to use: This quote is useful any time you want to bark out orders. Pound your fist on your desk while using this line for the full effect.
 

“It’s just such ignorance which forever relegates you to the ranks of underling.”
Source: Transformers (1984), A Prime Problem
Context: Starscream was about to harness the energy of some unstable crystals when Megatron stops him, but right afterwards he wasted no time mocking Starscream’s stupidity.
When to use: Your subordinate has made yet another boneheaded mistake and you really want to let him have it. That is the perfect time to use this quote. No feelings will be spared when this line is used on the person that committed the error.
 

“Retreat!”
Source: Pick any random episode during G1 and there’s a good chance Megatron says this in the episode.
Context: The Autobots have foiled Megatron’s plans yet again. Megatron orders the Decepticons to withdraw with their tails between their legs.
When to use: You have alienated everyone in the office by using these lines and acting like a total jerk. Your co-workers are out for blood and want to see you hurt. Get out of the office while the getting’s good. Recite this line as you exit the premises.
 

For a list of Optimus Prime quotes useful in the workplace, click here.

Megatron commands you to… Transform and Roll Out!

Optimus says a lot of cool things. Most of it is very inspirational and motivates you to achieve beyond your full potential. Occasionally he’ll spew out a wacky line or two that seems kinda funny when it wasn’t meant to be.

The great Autobot leader has a bunch of famous quotes that you can use in your everyday life. I have compiled 10 such lines and they appear below in no particular order. Use them at your own risk.
 

“Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.”
Source: Transformers Revenge of the Fallen
Context: Sam Witwicky, being the whiny little bitch that he is, just wants to party his head off at the local U in the middle of a Decepticon invasion. Prime urges Sam to answer his calling and help the Autobots save Earth and everyone on it.
When to use: If you are in charge of a project and your whiny staff members are just watching the clock and waiting to go home, inspire them a little by using this line. Suggest that the project is their calling and they are the only ones who can see it to completion. You can always fire their sorry ass if they are still unmotivated.
 

“Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.”
Source: Optimus Prime’s motto on his Tech Spec bio since G1
Context: N/A
When to use: If your boss wants you to work overtime on nights and/or weekends with no overtime pay, throw this line in his face. Freedom is a right, including freedom to not work.
 

“Sometimes even the wisest of men and machines can be in error.”
Source: Transformers (1984), SOS Dinobots
Context: After the Dinobots saved Optimus and most other Autobots, Prime admits his previous error in judgment of locking away the Dinobots.
When to use: This is an excellent line to use when you have made an error and people have found out about it. Not only do you man up to the mistake you made, you also make the implication that errors are bound to happen and they will be made by everyone given enough time. Almost makes you look good for making the mistake in the first place.
 

“We lost a great comrade, but gained new ones. Thank you, all of you. You honor us with your bravery.”
Source: Transformers (2007)
Context: After the battle with the Decepticons, Prime laments the loss of Jazz, but simultaneously acknowledges their new found friendship with their human allies.
When to use: Management loves to save dollars by slashing the jobs of senior level personnel and replacing them with cheaper workers of less skill and less experience. The thinking here is that the company can pay less and still get the same quality of work as before. Those of us that have been in any industry long enough know that this is rarely the case. But we all know management just loves bad decisions so this is a practice that will continue til the end of time. And when it does happen and you are welcoming the new substitutes into the fold, you can greet them with this line. Losing the great comrade refers to the senior member that was let go, and the new personnel does indeed honor you with their bravery because they have no idea what they’re getting into without the senior member present.
 

“Like us, there’s more to them than meets the eye.”
Source: Transformers (2007)
Context: Optimus ponders on how amazing the humans can be.
When to use: Let’s say you suspect a rival company is up to something. Or let’s say there’s some bad blood going on between your dept/team/group with another one in the same company and you suspect they’re up to no good. That will be the perfect time to whip out this line. You are implying they can be just as crafty as you are, and this is a light warning that you should take heed of their activities.
 

“I will accept this burden with all that I am!”
Source: Transformers War For Cybertron
Context: Cybertron/Primus has chosen Optimus to inherit a portion of his Spark to take with him to the stars. Optimus bravely steps forward and receives the Autobot Matrix of Leadership.
When to use: You have just been handed a project and you want to let your boss know he has made the right choice in letting you hold the reins. Show your enthusiasm by uttering this line, loud and clear. Don’t be shy. Management loves people who appear to take responsibility. If the project really does suck, turn around and give it to one of your underlings.
 

“There’s a thin line between being a hero and being a memory.”
Source: Transformers (1984), More Than Meet’s The Eye Part 3
Context: Ironhide tries to battle the Decepticons all by himself and sustains damage. Optimus shares a bit of wisdom with this impulsive warrior that is way past his prime.
When to use: In every office, there are individuals that love to volunteer the entire team into taking on more assignments or doing more work. While that’s great for these over-caffeinated workaholics, you rather spend your spare time napping or playing golf. Curb their enthusiasm by using this quote. Pretend you care by letting them know that if they do too much too soon, they may burn themselves out and not be able to work at all.
 

“We’re putting your company into bankruptcy.”
Source: Transformers (1984), Make Tracks
Context: Prime and company attack a Decepticon installation that was converting stolen human cars into Decepticon drone warriors.
When to use: You are negotiating with a rival company. Thing’s aren’t going well and you’ve had enough. Threaten them a little with this quote. Show them the meaning of “Hostile Takeover”, Transformer style.
 

“Until that day… till all are one.”
Source: Transformers The Movie (1986)
Context: A dying Optimus Prime addresses the Autobots with these final words as he hands the Matrix over to Ultra Magnus.
When to use: A delivery date is fast approaching and your boss wants an update on the status of the project. If the project is not going well, or if you simply don’t have any freakin’ clue on how it’s going, then it is time to answer with this line. This response is cool enough that it sounds like you have given the update and taken responsibility for its status, but at the same time you didn’t actually say anything. Your boss is free the interpret the meaning of this response. More often than not, he’ll just be too embarrassed to ask you what you really mean because he’s afraid he might look stupid. Use that to your advantage.
 

“It’s been an honor serving with you all.”
Source: Transformers (2007)
Context: Optimus addresses his troops before their next battle, where he plans to sacrifice himself against overwhelming odds.
When to use: When you’ve been fired for using any of these quotes in the manner listed above.
 

For even more great Prime quotes, visit The Quotable Optimus Prime.

And here is one quote that you won’t ever hear in the workplace… “Transform and Roll Out!”

Transformers have come a long way since the 80s. Back in the glorious days of G1, instructions were never necessary. I usually read them anyway, not because I can’t figure them out, but to make sure I didn’t miss anything. In G1 you could always tell how a figure transforms by looking at pics of all the modes (the six-changers may be the lone exceptions, but I never seen the toys so can’t comment).

As TransFans matured, so has the toys. Certain toy lines in the TF Universe, such as Masterpiece, Binaltech/Alternator, and Revenge of the Fallen, are meant to be difficult, and will test your Transformer IQ to its limits. Some have suggested that an engineering degree is required to transform them. These are the figures that will make you pull your hair out and tempt you to throw the figure at the wall in frustration.

I still remember my TF mishaps from back in 2004, when I first came out of my TF hiatus (not counting a short G2 stint in the summer of 94). Not having touched a TF for 16 years, the first piece I attempted to transform was Alternator Smokescreen. I thought I was a TF badass, and my G1 training would be more than sufficient. No words could capture what a gross underestimation that was. I began to fully appreciate the complexity after I started transforming Smokescreen, and I stood in awe of the TF evolution that had taken place in my 16 yr hiatus. But the whole time I was thinking you must be a rocket scientist to transform one of these. 75+ minutes later, after much blood and sweat and tears, I got him into robot mode. There is a sense of accomplishment that comes from completing the transformation of such a difficult piece.

For this post I’m compiling a list of such Transformers. This list is limited to TFs that I have transformed. I know there are difficult TFs out there that belong on here, such as Armada Unicron and Trans Scanning Optimus Prime, but I have not had the pleasure of these toys so I assume nothing. Also, the difficulty is based on my experience of transforming it the first time. Some of these pieces gets much easier the 2nd time and onwards, but is frustrating enough to make you scream in agony on the 1st attempt.

The following 10 figures are not your daddy’s TFs. Choose to transform them at your own risk.
 

10. Sunstorm (Voyager Class)
Series: Transformers Animated
Allegiance: Decepticon
Function: Sycophant
Mode in Package: Robot
Known Redecos: TFA Starscream, TFA Skywarp
Difficulty: Easy

Figures from the TF Animated line are usually not at all difficult to transform, and Sunstorm is no exception. But he’s a classic case of bad instructions misleading the transformation process when it would be simpler to figure it out yourself. Going from robot to jet, I had a feeling the arms would go between the legs at the bottom towards the back, VF-1 style. But the instructions never indicated that you should do this. I wasted a good 20 min trying to do it like the instructions, but the arms just kept getting in the way. Then I finally gave up and simply started placing parts at where I think they should go, and lo and behold the jet mode practically formed itself. Once you know what to do, transforming Sunstorm is a breeze. But the bad instructions earns him a spot on this list.
 

9. Ironhide (Voyager Class)
Series: Movie (2007)
Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Weapons Specialist
Mode in Package: Truck
Known Redecos: all other versions of Movie or ROTF Voyager Ironhide
Difficulty: Medium

Figures from both Michael Bay films are usually on the difficult side, partly because their designs are so radically different from what TransFans are normally used to. Love or hate the Movie designs, the toys themselves did do good of capturing the Movie look, but this meant some very unorthodox implementations in the transforming mechanism. Movie Ironhide gave me a lot of trouble on my first try because he’s got this funky thing you gotta do with the chest part that didn’t seem all too intuitive. At first I thought it was only me, but then I stumbled upon this thread of TransFans discussing their most difficult TFs. Read thru the thread and you’ll see that Movie Ironhide is mentioned repeatedly. Its good to know I’m not the only one that was confused. I don’t have the figure in front of me as I write this, so I can’t recall exactly why the chest area was so mind-boggling, but once you figure it out its not too bad. But it is frustrating enough for inclusion on this list.
 

8. Cliffjumper
Series: Alternity
Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Warrior
Mode in Package: Car
Known Redecos: Alternity Bumblebee
Difficulty: Medium

Alternity Cliffjumper is complex with lots of moving parts, but overall he’s not too bad. The only real issue is in the legs. There’s just so much there and its all compacted into a relatively small area which makes it hard to figure out. The instructions did not help me in this area and I found watching Youtube vids of other people transforming him to be a big help. I gave him a full review some time back. CJ is not the most difficult piece I’ve seen, and I’m betting other pieces in the Alternity line is just as complex if not more so. But he is the most difficult I’ve come across since I started this blog so I put him on here.
 

7. Optimus Prime (MP-04)
Series: Masterpiece
Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Autobot Leader
Mode in Package: Robot
Known Redecos: MP Optimus Prime (MP-01), MP Ultra Magnus (MP-02), US versions of Masterpiece Optimus Prime, MP Nemesis Prime (upcoming)
Difficulty: Medium

MP Optimus Prime is really not that difficult. I’ve done one round trip (from robot to truck and back) and I really didn’t see any issues, and I feel I can do it from memory if I need to. But he’s on here purely because of the complexity of the figure in terms of the number of steps you have to do to transform him. This is not a figure you can transform fast (at least not for me), because there is so much involved. In essence, not hard to do, but a lot to do. MP-04 is the best Optimus Prime figure ever made hands down, and I expected nothing less from a Shoji Kawamori piece. If you’re a TransFan and you have not transformed him, shame on you.
 

6. Galvatron (Deluxe Class)
Series: Classics
Allegiance: Decepticon
Function: Decepticon Leader
Mode in Package: Tank
Known Redecos: None
Difficulty: Hard

OK, now we’re getting into figures where things can get really frustrating. Galvatron is the only deluxe figure I put on this list, and that’s saying something. There are other deluxe figures that have challenged me (ROTF Sideswipe, Classics Tankor), but Galvatron takes the cake. He is by far the most complex deluxe figure I have ever seen in terms of number of moving parts and steps required to transform. Hasbro really crammed a lot into a $10 figure, and in this case I really can’t say if that’s a good or bad thing. My theory is that Galvatron was originally designed to be a Voyager class figure (which explains the pieces and the complexity), but for whatever reason Hasbro decided to make him deluxe. Adding to the difficulty is that a lot of pieces are designed to come off to prevent you from breaking them. If you are transforming him for the first time, I guarantee some parts will cast off (and I don’t mean in the good way like anime figures).
 

5. Optimus Prime (THS-02)
Series: Hybrid
Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Autobot Leader
Mode in Package: Robot
Known Redecos: Hybrid Nemesis Prime (THS-02B)
Difficulty: Hard

Hybrid G1 Optimus Prime can be thought of as a miniature version of the MP-04. But when you take one of the largest figures in the TF universe and shrink it down to one of the smallest, all while keeping much of the same complexity, the figure becomes frustrating. Hybrid Prime is not even 4 inches tall. Trying to transform such an intricately small piece would test the hands of even the most dexterous. My hands are small by guy standards, and I had a difficult time with Hybrid Prime. The overall mechanism on the Hybrid is dumbed down a little from the MP-04, but the complexity is still too much for a figure of this size. On the toy there are also these pieces covering Prime’s hands that love to fall off. To add insult to injury, Hybrid Prime’s truck mode looks unflattering at best. It kinda leaves a bad taste in your mouth when you realize you spent a good amount of time and energy to produce an alt mode that many have described as box on wheels. I did one round trip of this figure (robot to truck and back) and I’ve had enough. I will probably never transform this piece again, unless someone pays me.
 

4. Smokescreen (Alternator #1)
Series: Binaltech/Alternator
Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Diversionary Tactician
Mode in Package: Car
Known Redecos: Alternator Silverstreak (#4), Alternator Ricochet (#20), Binaltech Smokescreens (both BT-01, both BT-07), Binaltech Streak (BT-03), Binaltech Asterisk Alert (BTA-01), Binaltech Bluestreak (BT-19)
Difficulty: Hard

As already outlined in the intro above, Alternator Smokescreen is difficult enough to bring a grown man to his knees. I first attempted this on the Alternator version, but the Binaltech versions transform exactly the same (I got both BT-07s). Smokescreen looks good in both modes so the transformation is well worth it. I’ve done 3 or 4 round trips now, and it does get a little easier with each attempt, but he’s still quite a challenge. Smokescreen kicked off the Binaltech/Alternator line, and even after a dozen or so molds later (and all of them challenging), he still remains one of the most difficult.
 

3. Brawl (Leader Class)
Series: Movie (2007)
Allegiance: Decepticon
Function: Ground Assault
Mode in Package: Robot
Known Redecos: Movie Deep Desert Brawl
Difficulty: Super Hard

Of all the TFs I opened, Movie Leader Class Brawl gets the proud distinction as my least transformed Transformer. I got him around late 2007, and to this day I have not even made one round trip transformation of this figure. I got him from robot to tank, twice. Let me explain. I bought him at TRU. He comes in robot mode, and after I got him to tank mode, I realized there’s a peg that came broken (this is unlike Samurai Prowl, where I broke the peg). So I returned him and bought another at Amazon, where I transformed him again from robot to tank. So yeah, I did this twice, but never from tank back to robot. He’s stayed in that tank mode for 2+ years now. The reason I haven’t even tried is because he’s so damn difficult. The first time it was hard, and the 2nd time it didn’t feel much easier, so I just left him in the alt mode. But that tank is pretty good looking, and he’s got some cool lights and sounds, so definitely worth the effort to transform him.
 

2. Optimus Prime (Leader Class)
Series: ROTF
Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Autobot Leader
Mode in Package: Robot
Known Redecos: None so far, some upcoming in 2010
Difficulty: Super Hard

There’s hard, and then there’s HARD. ROTF Leader Class Optimus Prime is not for the faint of heart. This is an updated figure over the 2007 Movie version. While the 2007 version was already very good, the ROTF version improves on it by leaps and bounds by being much more movie accurate in both transformation and appearance. However, this figure will test your skills as a TransFan. Keep in mind that ROTF Prime was made to be a toy, and not a collector’s piece, yet I put him at #2 on this list which means I feel he is more difficult than most MPs and Binaltechs. I applaud any TransFan who can do this piece without looking at the instructions. Not only are there a gazillion steps, each step must be performed in the right order or you wind up backtracking and undoing steps you’ve done to account for stuff you didn’t do. And once you know what to do, actually doing them is no easy task. There are so many pieces on this thing that if they’re not combined in perfect harmony, they don’t combine. I know all this sounds tough, but you feel a great sense of pride and accomplishment when you get him into that equally awesome-looking truck. If you are attempting this, just know that all the pieces on this figure are designed to come together, and with enough time and patience you will get there. I’ve done 3 or 4 round trips of this now, and each time it is still a challenge, but going from truck back to robot is not half as bad. On the box it says age 5 and up, and I’m sure there are some genius TF kids out there, but I sincerely believe this is not for the typical 5 yr old.
 

1. Megatron (MP-05)
Series: Masterpiece
Allegiance: Decepticon
Function: Decepticon Leader
Mode in Package: Robot
Known Redecos: None
Difficulty: Excruciatingly Hard

Masterpiece Megatron. These words alone evoke pain and fear from all TransFans, much like Megatron’s name evokes the same feeling from Cybertronians all over the galaxy. Ask any TransFan worth his Energon to name the most difficult TF ever, and 4 times out of 5 MP Meg will be the answer. The complexity of this piece is unquestioned. Like the MP-04, there’s a lot to do. But unlike MP Prime, many of the steps required to transform him is not by any means easy. MP Meg is designed to be a collector’s piece and it shows in the construction. He is more delicate when compared to TFs of the “toy” variety, but at the same time, he’s got some parts and pieces where some force is required to budge them from their place. So on one hand you need to apply pressure to transform him, but on the other you need to be careful that you don’t break such an expensive piece. MP Meg is the only TF where my hands actually began to hurt midway thru, because of the tight pieces and the sharp angles. Transformation from gun back to robot is equally as hard as robot to gun. To this day I have only done one round trip, and I’m hoping it will be easier on future attempts now that I’ve loosened up the pieces somewhat. SEANxLONG of TF Youtube fame has described this piece as “excruciating”, so he’s selling (or has sold) his. While I do agree with the adjective, I question his choice of selling it because MP Meg is the symbol of the ultimate Transformer challenge. To have this in your collection and to say you’ve transformed it and survived is proof that you belong among the elite of TransFans. Many brave souls were lost in their attempt to transform Masterpiece Megatron. The process may be harmful to pregnant women and small children. Consult your physician before attempting.
 

If you have successfully transformed any of the pieces (or their redecos) listed above, pat yourself on the back and take a bow. You are among TransFans that never give up and never say die. Lesser fans would have threw up their hands in defeat, but you persisted til the end. Leave no Transformer un-transformed!

UQFGCFGSC3RM

I want to remind all TransFans that, when the going gets tough, there is only one thing to do: Transform and Roll Out!

Welcome to the 2nd edition of Before Carly on this blog! The first Before Carly post appears here.

As usual, I’ll start with the official description that was on Seibertron.com:

“Spike is quite the ladies man. He eventually married Carly, but she was not the only one to have fun in the backseat of Bumblebee.”

Spike led the ultimate bachelor life. He had Autobots as friends, a hottie of a girlfriend in Carly, and many adventures helping saving mankind from Decepticon invasion. And between these busy activities, he found time to get his freak on with all the babes that appear below.

The name of each girl is made to sound like various characters in the TF universe, and each part of every name is based on real names I’ve seen. See how many TFs you can identify. The answer is written in white below the name of the girl. Click and drag over the section to highlight the answer (or hit Ctrl-A, which highlights all text). Sorry for this lame way to reveal the answer. WordPress.com locks out all javascript so I can’t build something easier to use.

Enjoy the pics!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know who is the girl that I called Sumiko, but I wish I did. She gets extra points for wearing a TFans bikini. I did not add those Autobot and Binaltech labels; I found the image like this. Some TransFan must appreciate her the same way I do. 🙂

Before Carly Babes… Transform and Roll Out!

This morning I was shooting the bull with my coworkers around the water cooler, and we got on the subject of talking about boats. One guy here in the office is big on boating and we will probably all go out to his place and chill on the river this upcoming summer.

But this gets me thinking… what are some Transformer boats? I couldn’t think of that many. The boat is a very scarcely used alt mode in the TF universe. I’m not sure why that is. I’m no toy designer, but a boat TF does not seem like it would be difficult to design. There are boatloads of cars and jets already (pun intended). Sea vehicles, such as battleships, tankers, and cruise liners, would be very refreshing additions.

As it currently stands, there are only a handful of boats in the TF universe, and I will do them justice by listing them in a top 10 list. I’m being very generous with the definition here. For this listing, a boat is any vehicle that primarily traverses on or under water. And even with such a broad definition, coming up with 10 TFs was difficult. So this is basically a list of 10 TFs that transform into watercrafts.

10. Submarauder
Series: G1
Allegiance: Decepticon
Sub-Group: Pretender
Function: Undersea Warfare
Boat Alt Mode: Cybertronian Submarine

 
 
 
I tried to leave Pretenders off this list, I really did. I’ve ranted about how lame they are. But I ran out of boats and I needed one more to round out a top 10. Believe it or not, there are quite a few sea vehicles in the Pretender line. Why did I choose Submarauder? Because he has a submarine alt mode, which is unique to this list.
 

9. Quickswitch
Series: G1
Allegiance: Autobot
Sub-Group: Six Changer
Function: Assault Warrior
Boat Alt Mode: Cybertronian Hovercraft

 
The first Autobot Six Changer, Quickswitch makes this list because he does have a hovercraft mode. I never really liked this guy’s toy, probably because he’s got a lame looking robot mode and a questionable color scheme.
 

8. Seawatch
Series: G1
Allegiance: Autobot
Sub-Group: Micromaster Rescue Patrol
Function: Search and Rescue
Boat Alt Mode: Hydrofoil

 
As part of the Micromaster Rescue Patrol, Seawatch is dedicated to protecting the sea environments and stopping oceanic misdeeds, such as polluting and poaching. A little known fact is that Seawatch loves to watch “Baywatch”. He has petitioned numerous times to change his name to Baywatch but Optimus would not have it.
 

7. Manta Ray
Series: G2
Allegiance: Autobot
Sub-Group: Rotor Force
Function: ???
Boat Alt Mode: Racing Boat

The only G2 character on this list, Manta Ray is one of the first original G2 characters (as in not a G1 repaint). Hasbro picked a really good alt mode here and was daring enough to try something different from G1. Rotor Force figures have a gimmick where the rotor can be launched as a spinning disc, the perfect toy for another boring office meeting.
 

6. Thunderblast
Series: Cybertron
Allegiance: Decepticon
Sub-Group: None
Function: Aggressive Oceanic Soldier
Boat Alt Mode: Cybertronian Attack Boat

 
 
As one of the very few female Decepticons, Thunderblast knows how to manipulate weak-minded TFs of the male variety. She uses her sexy fembot mode and her sexy boat mode to get what she wants. Horny Decepticons are usually too willing to oblige.
 

5. Dreadwing
Series: Energon
Allegiance: Decepticon
Sub-Group: None
Function: ???
Boat Alt Mode: Cybertronian Gun Boat

 
Dreadwing’s toy looks extremely cool. This is the kind of boat figures I envision Hasbro releasing in the Classics line. I might hunt down this figure if I can fine one at a reasonable price.
 

4. Mirage
Series: Energon
Allegiance: Decepticon
Sub-Group: None
Function: ???
Boat Alt Mode: Cybertronian Gun Boat

 
Not to be confused with G1 Mirage, this figure and Dreadwing (see above) are redecos of each other. However, I think Mirage came first and so he’s ranked higher on this list. Mirage also seems to have a fair amount of screen time in the Energon Animated series and I think his original name was Tidal Wave. I can’t find Function listings for Energon characters. I guess they do whatever they please.
 

3. Depthcharge
Series: ROTF
Allegiance: Autobot
Sub-Group: None
Function: ???
Boat Alt Mode: Stealth Boat

 
Depthcharge is a scout class figure from the ROTF line. ROTF figures generally do not have their functions listed in their bio on the back of the box (I’m beginning to think Functions are a G1-only thing). I’m not sure if Depthcharge has an appearance in the film. Actually, I’m not sure he as an appearance anywhere. This Depthcharge (spelled as one word) is not to be confused with Depth Charge of Beast Wars lore. Similarly, HsunamiPrime is not to be confused with Hsunami Prime.
 

2. Broadside
Series: G1
Allegiance: Autobot
Sub-Group: Triple Changer
Function: Air/Sea Assault
Boat Alt Mode: Aircraft Carrier

 
Broadside is perhaps the only aircraft carrier in TF history. As one of the few Autobot Triple Changers, Broadside also has a jet mode. In G1 Animated and some Dreamweave renditions, he is depicted as being very large, which makes sense. I think an aircraft carrier would better suit the Decepticons since they have an air force worthy of it. I would love to see Broadside remade in the Classics line as an Ultra Class Triple Changer. Hasbro will probably never do it, because they are allergic to good ideas.
 

1. Seaspray
Series: G1
Allegiance: Autobot
Sub-Group: None
Function: Naval Defense
Boat Alt Mode: Hovercraft

 
Arguably the most famous TF on this list, Seaspray made his debut in Season 2 of the G1 Animated series and is the first bot in TF history to have a water-based alt mode. His most notable appearance was in the episode “Sea Change”, and his peculiar way of speaking has won the hearts of women everywhere (ok maybe not, but Alana digs it). It appears he has a toy in the Classics line planned for later this year. I’ve ranted before about how they better not forget Seaspray in the Classics line and it looks like my prayers are answered. 🙂
 

Nice Boats! Transform and Roll Out!

On Seibertron.com, there used to be a section called “Before Carly”. The official description of the section went something like this:

“Spike is quite the ladies man. He eventually married Carly, but she was not the only one to have fun in the backseat of Bumblebee.”

This section is really just a picture gallery of hot women in little or no clothing, to be oogled by TransFans, which by the estimation of many is 95% male. To make this section relevant to Transformers (not that hot women need any reason to appear anywhere), Seibertron did two things. First, it is suggested that Spike got his groove on with all the babes in the picture gallery. Evidently he was quite busy before he married Carly as the picture count at one point surpassed 200 (even Wilt Chamberlain would be proud). Second, the women were all given fictitious names that sounded likes names of various Transformers, and it was kind of a game in figuring out which TF the girl’s name were a reference to. It was a shame that this section disappeared. Licensing issues with the images, coupled with the fact that it was hardly ever updated, forced Seibertron to shut down the gallery.

Never fear, TransFans. Hsunami Prime is here to re-instate “Before Carly”, for this one post anyway. Feast your eyes on even more women that had fun in the backseat of Bumblebee below. All names are based on real people’s names that I have seen. The name of the Transformer is written in white below the name of the girl. Hover the mouse over each name to reveal the answer (or hit Ctrl-A). Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Before Carly” rules! Transform and Roll Out!

 

I love G1 Tranformers. Those that know me as a TransFan know that, even to this day, I consider G1 Transformers to be the greatest TFs of all time. I buy most of the G1 re-issues that come out, both US and Japan. I buy DVD releases of the G1 cartoons. I read comics that tie into the G1 continuity. The Classic/Universe line may be my favorite line of TF toys currently, but even this line is G1 inspired (most of the time). There is just something charming and endearing about the G1 line that no other TF line since has managed to capture. (And yes, that includes the Michael Bay TFs, which IMO are some of the worst ever.)

So with that said, I will also say that there were many, many lame ideas to come out of G1. Some of these ideas are up there with the best (or worst) of all lame ideas in the history of mankind, such as New Coke or the Geico Cavemen TV show. Some of these ideas are G1 specific, and it’s good to see them die with G1. But many of these ideas are carried over into the later lines, and have had a long and lasting legacy of lameness. It’s nice to see G1 have such a deep and profound influence on all TFs onward, but some of these ideas are just so lame, they need to stop.

Below I present my top 10 lame ideas that either started or were made famous in G1.

10. Reflectors
These three gets the proud distinction of having the most inefficient transformation of all time. Think about it. Three powerful Deception Warriors, each having no alt modes of their own, that need to come together and form… a camera?! Is Decepticon technology so limited that a robot cannot transform into a camera by itself?! While we’re on the topic, I think having camera capabilities built into the optic sensors of all TFs should be standard gear for a race that has achieved transformation, mass-shifting, and space travel. And we see from the opening moments of the 1986 Movie that even Lazerbeak has camcorder equipment built into his head. This makes the alt mode of the Reflectors even more useless, and the fact it takes three of them to do it makes it lame. And it looks like they can’t even take pics and send them digitally, they have to print them out like Polaroids for its reader (I can understand if this is done for humans, but for Thundercracker?!). If the camera is more disguise than function, it still makes little sense as to why 3 Decepticons are required. Yeah I know this is how the toy was, but the toy was lame even for 80s standards. Supposedly, Megatron selected some of his best for the mission of tracking the Autobots aboard the Nemesis. I can’t believe he picked these three. Or maybe they had better Cybertron alt modes but Teletran made them stupid. Whatever the case, I’m glad the Reflectors (or any other group with similar inefficiencies) did not make it past G1.

9. Sky Lynx
There’s just something unappealing about Sky Lynx. It’s hard to put your finger on it and give concrete reasons. Maybe it’s the fact that he doesn’t have a robot mode. Maybe it’s his snobby British accent. Maybe it’s because he was introduced in Season 3 and that was such a crappy season. Maybe because the toy offered a transformation that was so unbelievably obvious for a figure of that size. Or maybe I just don’t like the gimmick of him splitting into two components. Whatever the reason, I dare say Sky Lynx is one of the lamest Transformers ever designed. When I was a kid I knew no one that had him (most probably because he was an expensive piece). Sky Lynx was not re-issued at all after G1 until the recent Encore line, and I’m still scratching my head as to why he was chosen to be re-issued over much cooler TFs, such as Dinobots or Constructicons. I think MSRP for the Encore was close to $100, and now most online sites have him at around $40. That alone should be testament to his unpopularity. Heck, I would even buy Encore versions of Reflectors if they made them, but not Sky Lynx.

8. Use of English Expressions in Cybertronian Context
Expressions in one language usually does not translate well into another, usually for cultural reasons. If I wanted to tell a Chinese person that “the devil’s in the details”, I would not literally use those words. This is why it really pains me when I see Transformers use English expressions, and give it a Cybertronian spin. Expressions across different parts of the Earth don’t even translate well, so why would expressions across worlds be any better? Some choice examples: “Five up, five down! It’s like shooting cyber-ducks in a barrel!”, “When are we gonna start bustin deceptachops?”, or “Aint no one calling me a robot chicken!” This is seriously lame. TF writers need to come up with some new material.

7. Parts Appearing Out of Nowhere
I’m sure all G1 fans have noticed this. A TF would transform from one mode to another, and all the parts that you need to attach to the other mode in the toy, they just magically appear out of nowhere. The reverse is true too; some parts simply disappear into thin air. I had the toys of several G1 cars, like Smokescreen, Jazz, and Trailbreaker. None of them can carry their guns and missiles in their alt modes. So where do they come from when they transform into robot mode? Do they just pull it out of their ass? Megatron doesn’t walk around with his attachments, so when he transforms into the gun, where do the silencer and the shoulder mount come from? Omega Supreme would often fly off somewhere and we only see the rocket. When the rocket lands at the destination and the smoke clears, the rest of Omega Supreme magically appears. WTF?! Perhaps the most famous example of this is none other than Optimus Prime. Everytime he transforms into the truck, no matter where he is, the trailer magically comes from behind and attaches itself to his ass. What gives? G1 made no effort to explain any of this. It’s nice to see the modern toys make room for all the accessories in all the modes so we don’t have to wonder if they are hiding stuff in their body cavities.

6. Facial Hair
Tom Selleck. Burt Reynolds. Billy Dee Williams. These are guys that look good with facial hair. Alpha Trion. Scourge. Wreck-Gar. These are guys that DO NOT look good with facial hair. In fact, Transformers should not even have facial hair. I like to remind all character designers working on Transformers… THEY ARE ROBOTS!!! Robots don’t have hair! Period! Maybe beards and mustache looking attachments are given to these characters to convey a look of authority, but it doesn’t work for me. Find some other way to convey the same look. I know I’ve seen facial hair on both Beast Wars and TFA characters. Heck, even Jetfire in ROTF had a beard. This is a trend that needs to stop. Like, now. A young TF needs to transform into a electric razor and shave them all. Whoever does that deserves to inherit the Matrix and become Autobot leader.

5. Killing Optimus Prime
Sometimes you sit on a gold mine and not know it. This was exactly the case when Hasbro approved the idea of killing everyone’s favorite Autobot leader. Word has it that in 1986, kids were walking out of movie theaters crying, and angry parents wrote nasty letters to Hasbro demanding explanations as to why death of a central character was a major theme in a kid’s movie. Personally, I loved the movie because it was mature beyond its years. But from a financial perspective, Prime’s death was a really bad move for Hasbro. Not only does the franchise lose its most recognizable character, Hasbro can no longer sell figures of the iconic Optimus Prime. I think Hasbro has learned its lesson since then. Later in G1, Optimus was revived. Every TF line after G1 featured some form of Optimus Prime. Even in ROTF, Prime was killed about midway thru, only to be revived by film’s end. And of course Hasbro has made a figure for every single one of these Primes, and suckered us fans into wasting our hard earned dollars to acquire them. Damn you, Hasbro.

4. Female Transformers
No offense to all the female readers out there (all 3 of you), but female Transformers… what exactly does that mean? Before the introduction of females, many fans assumed that Transformers were gender neutral. But the writers went ahead and created some female Autobots, perhaps as a way to win more female TF fans. No one really knows if that really worked, but it sure sparked a debate as to why Transformers would even have genders. I know at one point, the US Marvel G1 comics had maintained the position that female Autobots were not really female, the were just Autobots that resembled human females. They also had a reason for Arcee, supposedly “she” was created by the Autobots to be some kind of public relations between the Autobots and Earth’s female population. Whatever the official story was, none of it really made sense. I’m guessing many TF fans don’t really think about this, and just simply accept it as if TFs are like people. This is perhaps what the writers counted on, as I’m pretty sure female TFs have appeared in every TF line after G1. Personally, I feel that female TFs should not have been introduced. They never played a major role in G1 anyway (arguable for Beast Wars). Some ideas are best left unexplored, and this is one of them.

3. Repaints
Repaints. Redecos. Recolors. Whatever you call them, this is an idea that reached new heights (or lows) with G1. This is actually a smart idea on the part of Takara/Hasbro, but it’s lame that they make one mold and then milk us fans over and over with different colors of the same thing. I guess there are other toys lines that do this too. Heck, even anime figures has resorted to this. But I don’t think any other toy line is more guilty of this than Transformers. G1 took this concept to new levels of craziness. Perhaps the most infamous example of this is the Seekers, 6 jets that were essentially the same as each other. Even as a kid I was not fooled, and made a point of buying toys that were different molds before I even considered repaints. But even today, repaints are alive and well. One of these days I should compile a TF repaint database and get some statistics as to how many TF molds have a repaint and how often. I doubt repaints would stop any time soon, though. I don’t mind repaints done in moderation, but it’s excessive when it seems like every mold is repainted. We as fans have to be strong and not buy recolored crap.

2. Actionmasters
I love to meet the geniuses that came up with this idea. Actionmasters appeared in the twilight days of G1, when sales were dwindling. One Hasbro exec probably said, “Transformers sales suck. We gotta do something different. But what?” Another one probably answered, “I know, let’s make Transformers that don’t transform!” The first one responds, “Yeah! Let’s do it!” Then they high five each other. Then G1 Transformers dies for good. There is a story to the “Actionmasters” that don’t transform. Prime and company finds a source of energy called Nucleon that is 10 times better than Energon and makes them much more powerful. But one side effect is they lose their transformation. As for the toys, I’m guessing the figures sucked. I don’t know a single person that has bought these. I read somewhere that Hasbro pursued this idea only because the toys can be easily molded based off of G.I.Joe figures at the time. Non-Transformers are so lame, I was so tempted to put them in the top spot, if not for…

1. Pretenders
Pretenders also came out during the final seasons of G1, after they stopped doing the US G1 cartoons. I think the idea of a Transformer hiding inside a shell is on the same level of lameness as Actionmasters, but Pretenders get the nod for the top spot simply because Hasbro really thought this was a good idea. Many Pretender figures were made, and variations of the Pretender theme were introduced. The basic Pretender is a TF in bot mode hiding inside a humanoid Pretender shell, but then they also made Pretender Vehicles (alt mode inside a vehicle shell), Pretender Beasts (alt mode inside a creature shell), and Mega Pretenders (shells that transform). Some classic characters even got incorporated into the Pretender line, like Jazz, Bumblebee, and Grimlock. I no longer remember the backstory for the Pretenders in the G1 comics. In Stormbringer, Simon Furman came up with a pretty good explanation. Cybertron is completely polluted with radioactive material on the surface from years of the war, so in order to survive, some Decepticons started wearing these shells to protect themselves from the radiation. However we still don’t see any Autobots wearing the human shells, so even Furman can’t explain that one. I was so afraid that Michael Bay would find out about the Pretenders, because I knew he would be all over this. Sure enough, my worst fears were realized in ROTF when Alice was revealed to be a Pretender. But I guess the good news in all this is that Pretenders pretty much died with G1. Rest in pieces.

Until the next lame idea… Transform and Roll Out!

There are a whole lotta Transformers in the TF universe. To give them more personality and character, the creators of the show gave many of them interesting speech patterns. Some of them are very charming, while others are just plain annoying.

But you gotta figure that for a race with unlimited technological advances at their disposal, such as transformation, mass-shift, intergalactic travel, and space folding just to name a few, fixing speech patterns for the vocally unorthodox should be a simple matter. My guess is Transformers don’t value speech all that highly, or maybe some of them are simply too proud of their individuality.

Below I present my top 10 Transformers that could use a lesson in speech etiquette. I would love to hear any of these guys make a wedding toast.

10. Wheelie Wheelie talks in a funny way. Wheelie will annoy you every day. Wheelie likes humping Megan Fox’s leg. Wheelie rhymes ’cause Wheelie’s gay.

9. Wreck-Gar Wreck-Gar and the Junkions learned how to talk by watching Earth’s TV. I guess it’s true that TV does turn brain to mush. Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong?

8. Blurr Blur talks so fast and so much to hear what he is saying is abolutely positively definitely impossible and you try and try and try but he keeps talking and he talks non-stop and you try some more and you don’t give up until you get him but it’s just impossible impossible impossible.

7. Waspinator Poor Waspinator. The only TF to come from Beast Wars on this list, Waspinator talks in a high-pitch voice, always refers to himself in the third person, and has silly aliases for everyone. He has a tendency to get himself blown up every episode, only to come back in the next episode (if not in the same episode) to get his big stripey butt kicked some more.

6. Seaspray Someone fix Seaspray’s vocal generators stat. This guy sounds like he is constantly under water and his speech is filled with bubble or gurgling sounds. Sometimes I wonder how other Autobots understand him. However a mermaid did fall in love with him so I guess chicks dig it.

5. Warpath Warpath is one over-caffeinated Autobot. He ends every sentence with a “wham”, “bam”, “zoom”, or “yeehaw”. Dude, chill.

4. Insecticons The Insecticons must be around if you hear speech echoes. It sounds pretty cool at first, but after while they just start to bug (pun intended).

3. Omega Supreme Words few. Talk unnecessary. Resolve unyielding. Firepower overwhelming. Personality boring.

2. Soundwave The king of monotone speaking usually has little to say, but when he does, Deceptioncs usually listen. I like the way Soundwave talks, I can’t explain why. But it is ironic that the Decepticon communications officer, with an audio device as his alt mode no less, cannot speak in less robotic ways.

1. Grimlock Me Grimlock no bozo. Me grimlock love Kup’s war stories. Me Grimlock no like you. Me Grimlock love saying me Grimlock. Me Grimlock number one on this stupid list. Me Grimlock King.

Me Grimlock say… Transform and Roll Out!

The other day I happened upon an image of movie Optimus Prime, and seeing him with lips just don’t do it for me. That G1 mouthpiece is just too iconic, and seeing movie Prime yap his trap is just silly.

This got me to thinking, what do Transformers need mouths for anyway? Like all machines, they have infinite ways to communicate that humans can only dream of. If they feel the need to “talk”, or if audio transmission is only to communicate with humans, they can easily do it through other standard audio channels. They don’t need to eat. Ingest Energon maybe, but I’m sure they have other means to do so. A mouth for a Transformer simply serves no purpose, but it seems like most TFs have them.

But some clearly do not. So I got to thinking, what are my top favorite TFs that have no mouths? This includes TFs that either use a mouthpiece or is missing a mouth altogether. Below I humbly present my top 10 favorite Transformers that let their actions do their talking for them, instead of their pie holes.

10. Sixshot
Sixshot is unique in the TF universe for being the first TF with 6 modes (I think the only other one is Quickswitch). Truly a one-robot army, he came way too late in the US G1 cartoons to fully make an impact. In the Japanese continuation, however, he has a much bigger role. Sixshot lets all his transformations do the talking for him. It should be noted that his wolf mode does have a mouth, but that’s probably just there to bite all his enemies to shreds. I think my cousin had this toy when we were kids. I believe he was re-issued this decade in Japan, I should hunt one down. Better yet, I like to see a Classic update of this character. To accommodate 6 modes, he’s gotta be Voyager class or bigger. With the toy technology they have today, he would be so awesome. Oh man I’m getting excited just thinking about it.

9. Getaway
I have always loved the Powermasters. The idea that a Nebulan partner transforms into the engine, which then unlocks the Transforming mechanism of the TF, is… well… pretty stupid actually. If I was a TF, and I needed a partner to unlock what I could’ve done any time I pleased, I might as well shoot myself. However, the toys themselves were cool. Getaway made this list mainly because I had his toy as a kid (and I still do, complete, intact, and in good shape with tight joints), and I’m always partial to TFs that I own. But more importantly, the G1 Powermaster figures all had pretty good molds, with cool designs and robust construction. Getaway in my opinion was the best of the Autobot car Powermasters. His alt mode is supposedly a Mazda RX-7, and the robot mode looks nicely balanced. His profile is also unique for being the masterful escape artist, something not shared by any other TF to my knowledge. In the Movie line of toys, he appeared as Breakaway (repaint of Cybertron Excellion), a Walmart exclusive. Getaway did not appear at all in the US G1 cartoons. However, he appeared many times in the US Marvel Comics continuity, and has a significant role in Vol 3 of the War Within series (which is unfortunately unfinished).

8. Bombshell
I have always too loved the Insecticons. Transforming into insects is just too freakin’ cool. I also went into why Bombshell is special for me in a previous post. Bombshell is the only Insecticon without a mouth. Though all Insecticons feed like crazy so I guess they put the mouths in their bug modes to good use. Bombshell has the special ability to mind control his targets with cerebral shells. All 3 Insecticons (and maybe even the deluxe guys from G1) would be good to re-do in the Classic line. There shouldn’t be any licensing issues whatsoever, and with insects the toy designers should be able to get very creative.

7. Scrapper
The Constructicons are one of my favorite sub-groups of all time in the TF universe. They were the first Combiner group introduced, and Devastator gave the Autobots all they can handle. Not only powerful, the Constructicons are also master builders and engineers. It’s hard to say who is the most famous Constructicon, but Scrapper definitely deserves consideration. As the Constructicon leader, he’s always supervising the Decepticon’s latest construction project, whether it be a new weapon, space cruiser, command outpost, or whatever. He seems to take an evil delight in all his creative pursuits, and I love the way he orders the team to unite when the Autobots are about to kick their butt.

6. Wheeljack
The resident “mad scientist” of the Autobots, Wheeljack is always working on something when he’s not too busy helping Ratchet repairing their wounded comrades. Wheeljack is famous for being the first TF we see on screen in the G1 cartoons and for creating the Dinobots. He does not have a mouth at all. When he speaks, the two pieces to the sides of his head lights up, indicating he has communicated. This is actually how I anticipate TFs to talk. Rumor has it that Wheeljack is getting an update in the next wave of Classic figures, something I highly anticipate.

5. Bruticus
Of all the Combiner teams, the Combaticons are my favorite. I remember back in grade school, my classmates and I would argue over which is the best Combiner team. Many voted for the Stunticons, some liked the Aerialbots. They were both good choices, but my vote goes to the Combaticons. Let me explain why. For the Stunticons and Aerialbots, the figures that form the limbs are not at all diverse. All the Aerialbot jets transform the same way, and so does the Stunticon cars (though to a lesser degree). Once you bought one, it’s like you bought them all. The Construction toys were old and outdated by the time the newer Combiners rolled around. And the Protectobots, well, they were a bunch of wussies in the cartoon so I don’t think anyone liked them. Not counting the later seasons, this only leaves the Combaticons. They were powerful in the cartoon, many times beating the other combiner teams. And as for the toy, each limb component were truly unique from each other, in both transformation and alt mode. And they all transform into combat vehicles! I don’t think it’s any surprise that Hasbro re-released this figure set 6 times after G1! That in itself should prove this is the most popular combiner set. My first Combaticon was Blastoff, and I slowly collected the rest as time went. Finding Vortex back then was a real challenge, I think he’s the rarest one out of the five. I still have my G1 set, all complete, the pride and joy of my G1 collection (though Onslaught is getting quite loose). I think all the Decepticon combined forms has the same personality (strong and dumb), but Bruticus comes from my favorite team so I had to put him on here. And when I was compiling this list, it dawned on me that all the Combaticons except for Swindle have mouthpieces, but for the sake of variety I just let Bruticus represent all of them.

4. Shockwave
If I was re-born as a Transformer, this is how I want to look like, because no one would know what I was thinking or feeling. Nevermind not having a mouth, Shockwave is completely devoid of all facial features, except for his iconic cyclops eye. When he talks, the eye starts flashing in sync with his words. So is he talking through his eye? Does the round object on his face function as both eye and mouth? We may never know, but that quality of being extremely efficient matches well with Shockwave’s personality. In the G1 cartoons he is simply the guy waiting on Cybertron (for 4 million years!), but in the comics he is given a much bigger role, often taking command of the Decepticons and conducting unorthodox experiments, such as Triple Changing and Combining technology.

3. Grimlock
“Me Grimlock not kisser, me Grimlock no need mouth!” The bad-ass that is Grimlock represents some of the very best that the Autobots have to offer. Grimlock is one of the Autobot’s most powerful warriors regardless of which TF continuity you follow, but in the US Marvel Comics continuity (and extended in the comic prequel War Within), we see that he is also a very capable leader, even taking on role as Autobot Leader form time to time when Optimus is missing or deactivated. In the cartoons, and especially in the G1 movie, he is often portrayed as the comedy relief despite being very powerful. However, no one forgets that he was the first TF character to have a T-Rex as an alt mode, and that in itself is just too damn cool. Grimlock seems to enjoy his Dino mode a lot more so than his robot mode (in the cartoon anyway), perhaps because as a T-Rex, he’s got a much bigger mouth to chomp his enemies into itty bitty pieces.

2. Soundwave
Ask any true TF fan to name his top 5 favorite Decepticons, and Soundwave is bound to be on that list. The Decepticon communications officer earned his place in TF legend not by being the most powerful warrior, but through his exploits in stealth and cunning, his monotone way of speaking, his non-personality, and last but not least, his numerous henchmen that he can eject as cassettes from his tape deck. As far as G1 toys go, Soundwave is perhaps the most accurate to the G1 cartoon. Let’s face it, the cartoons made most characters look much better than their toy representations (I’m looking at you, Ratchet and Ironhide). Soundwave is the lone exception. If you looked at him in the cartoons and imagine in your mind how his toy would look, well, that’ how it looks. His G1 mold still holds up well today. In fact it’s so good that I don’t think a Masterpiece version can really improve on it, other than making him bigger and perhaps a little more detail.

1. Optimus Prime
Like I would put anyone other than Optimus Prime in the top spot. Optimus Prime is perhaps the most iconic Transfomer of all time. His dedication to the freedom and welfare of all living beings is unrivaled. Optimus has got it all, being both a powerful warrior and capable commander. He (along with Megatron) has appeared in every Transformer continuity and spin-off. The earlier renditions of Optimus all has him appear with the mouthpiece, but later versions of the character tend to give him the lips with the mouthpiece serving as some kind of lower face shield when he’s in battle (such as Beast Wars, the Michael Bay movies, and the Animated Series). I don’t know what is the reason for this evolution, but the G1 purist in me will probably never get used to seeing Prime with moving lips. And I think not seeing the lips gives a character more authority in appearance. This is the design I prefer for Prime. There are many Optimus figures where you can pose him with the mouth shield on or off. Guess how I pose mine?

Honorable Mentions: Warpath, Powerglide, Hoist, Seaspray, Cosmos

Until next time… Transform and Roll Out!